Shall we connect?

A question I’m often asked is: “Do I really need to connect with others, and if so, why and how?” Many Asian Women that I coach are uncomfortable with the idea of having an ulterior motive or incentive when connecting, perhaps to obtain certain resources or benefits, both professionally and personally.

I believe humans are hardwired to connect.  While I'm not an expert on this topic, there are strong scientific studies that support this premise.  Neuroscientist Dr. Matthew Lieberman asserts that people's need to connect is even more basic than food and shelter and is the primary motivation of one's behavior.  Not only is connection a great predictor of happiness, but isolation, loneliness and social rejection are linked with physical distress and pain.  In other words, social pain is biologically similar to the distress experienced from physical pain.

If connection is fundamental to our survival and happiness, how do we weave it into our careers?  I like to break it down into three tiers: networking, connection and relationship.

1. Networking

• Quick exchanges of basic information.

• Examples:  LinkedIn connections, business cards, small talks at events.

• Focus: Knowing more people.

2. Connection

• Continuous and mutual sharing of resources and value.

• Examples:  Conversations over prolonged time, providing or receiving helpful information, listening, support.

• Focus:  Knowing people more and better.

3. Relationship

• Quality connections built over time on mutual respect, value and authenticity.

• Examples:  Mentorship, sponsorship, coaching, friendship.

• Focus: Respecting and trusting people.

These tiers are like building blocks.  Start by casting a wide Networking net. Then, identify and establish key Connections that are worth your time and resources.  Often overlooked, this step takes time and diligence but is critical for assessing suitability and effectiveness.  Finally, by nurturing these key connections with respect and trust, Relationships can be built. 

While there isn’t a one-size-fits all approach to developing these interactions, a good starting point is acknowledging that you are worthy of these connections.  Many often wonder what they have to offer, assuming that it’s all about knowledge, experience or some other tangible assets.  But, I would argue that all of us, regardless of our professional status, want to be heard, supported and valued.  Often, all it takes is your genuine interest and curiosity. 

As a coach, I've personally witnessed the transformative power of embracing and understanding connections for my clients.  If you’re ready to embark on your own journey of connections and experience the impact and happiness that comes with meaningful relationships, let’s start a conversation today!

#ConnectionJourney #BuildingMeaningfulRelationships #TransformativeNetworking